This is me, just me

Reposting because when I posted I wasn't familiar with the site and posted in the wrong place. Originally posted July 17 2014

 

I hide myself from the world so for me to write a blog is hard. I am doing it because my sister recently started one as a journal of sorts and I thought it was a good idea, so please forgive me if some of these posts seem odd or disjointed or hard to follow. I am a very insecure person and no one knows who the true me is. I show different parts to different people, but am always fudging bits or holding bits back. I don't know why I do this, I always have. I have gotten off track though. I am me, I am a mother, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a niece. On the outside looking in I seem simple, uncomplicated nothing out of the ordinary type life who would have a stepford life if I wasn't so poor! But this is how I want to appear, so people don't look to close, see the real me and disappear. On the outside I look healthy, but in reality I have something called Ehlors Danlows syndrome and vestibular migraines and an ( at this time) undiagnosed digestive problem that causes me a lot of pain. these are all illnesses that don't show many obvious signs. On the outside I look emotionally together , normal, but in reality I have struggled with deep depression in the past, and currently struggle with anxiety and fear. I am like you but nothing like you. I have no memories of my childhood until age 14 where I have a smattering of them increasing in number the older the age. I struggle day to day with housework, which I cannot seem to get a hold of. Inside I am organized, if I could get my body to match up with my mind my house would be very organized, I have so many ideas and methods but putting them into action is impossible. If I have the time I'm either, in pain, buisy with my 3 kids, dizzy or tired. Then when I do get a time when none of these things are in the way typically I don't think of it and then later end of kicking myself. Thinking " I know what I should have organized"  anyway I hope my future posts will be better! Toodaloo! 

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