a failure..or..not a failure that is my question

I feel like a failure as a person , as a human and most importantly as a woman. I am supposed to be a pretty ( ok maybe I'm not SUPPOSED to be pretty but I would like to be), able bodied , able minded, wife and mother and homemaker. I am not. I am fat and have never been very pretty. I struggle day to day just to make myself do the most basic of chores. I yell at me kids and get frustrated sometimes for silly reasons. When I met my husband and found out I was pregnant with my first I envisioned my life as this : I would be a stay at homemom who had it all together. My kids would always look magazine worthy. My house would not only be clean but we'll organized to the point people would come over and say " gee I wish I thought of doing that", I would look well put together and I never thought I would gain as much weight as I have. I would do crafts at home with my kids, and regularily do learning workbooks together to boost their education if I didn't decide to homeschool. Well reality is very very different. My house is usually a pig sty because I never got that hang of keeping up with the housework and now my kids are used to living in chaos which makes keeping it clean harder. I have gained around 100 lbs since I had my first And I am definitely not " put together" on a daily basis. My hair gets quickly swept out of the way, make up? That's for weddings and funerals, cute outfit that goes together doesn't have crayon on it and isn't wrinkled? Again that's for weddings and funerals.  home school? Ha your funny, work books I've tried ( our school system doesn't give out homework) but again to the organization. Lack of organization and my struggle with keeping up with that housework, seep into every aspect of our life at home. I struggle so much on a physical level with routines that i feel disabled. I have succeded in some areas though. I am as loving a wife and mother as I wanted to be. I play with my kids almost as much as I had envisioned. I am still trying to succeed and working to change habits and figure out how to keep my house perfect like the other moms so I guess if I'm not at the finish line yet, I can't exactly say I'm a failure yet, but I'm definitely in last place. 

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Comments (4)

  1. mphroper14

    If your family is happy then the rest of the stuff doesn’t seem so bad. We can always be better at what we do but at the end of the day you aren’t going to remember that your house wasn’t clean or your outfit was a mess but you will remember the memories you made with your family.

    July 18, 2014
  2. bythesea

    You are being hard on yourself.
    Based on your other posts it is no surprise in many ways given the way you had to grow up. What roll models and example have been there for you???
    But everything you want is not impossible to achieve.
    Talk to your 13 year old, be honest with her and ask her for her help, it can be something you can work with her on.

    July 27, 2014
  3. bythesea

    And to answer the question in failure or not … You have on my failed if you give up trying

    July 27, 2014
  4. killingtime

    I retired before my wife. Because of that I started doing most of the housework (plus my wife hates housework). I found it hard to keep up with it at first because I tended to go from one fire to the next (fire as in different jobs that I needed to do around the house). What I ended up doing was making a list of all the things that I needed to do to keep the house clean & orderly. Then I divided out the list equally over 5 days per week (& I spent the weekends with my wife). The list made it much easier to figure out what I needed to do that day & because of that I seemed to have a lot more time (I didn’t wander around wondering what I should do that day). That worked for me.
    On the other hand after I had my H/A I came to realize that if I were laying in a hospital bed with only an hour to live I would NOT be thinking about how much dust was on the fireplace at home.
    As for weight you can take control & lose it but it takes a routine. I walk 2 miles every day & have lost weight from that. Spend a little time & plan lo-cal meals. Meal planning can not only cut calleries but it can also save you money on food.
    Last thing: If the kids stop you from walking, go to any of the charity places & look for a treadmill. You can get them dirt cheap there because OTHER PEOPLE buy them & don’t used them long term.

    July 27, 2014