I feel like a failure as a person , as a human and most importantly as a woman. I am supposed to be a pretty ( ok maybe I'm not SUPPOSED to be pretty but I would like to be), able bodied , able minded, wife and mother and homemaker. I am not. I am fat and have never been very pretty. I struggle day to day just to make myself do the most basic of chores. I yell at me kids and get frustrated sometimes for silly reasons. When I met my husband and found out I was pregnant with my first I envisioned my life as this : I would be a stay at homemom who had it all together. My kids would always look magazine worthy. My house would not only be clean but we'll organized to the point people would come over and say " gee I wish I thought of doing that", I would look well put together and I never thought I would gain as much weight as I have. I would do crafts at home with my kids, and regularily do learning workbooks together to boost their education if I didn't decide to homeschool. Well reality is very very different. My house is usually a pig sty because I never got that hang of keeping up with the housework and now my kids are used to living in chaos which makes keeping it clean harder. I have gained around 100 lbs since I had my first And I am definitely not " put together" on a daily basis. My hair gets quickly swept out of the way, make up? That's for weddings and funerals, cute outfit that goes together doesn't have crayon on it and isn't wrinkled? Again that's for weddings and funerals. home school? Ha your funny, work books I've tried ( our school system doesn't give out homework) but again to the organization. Lack of organization and my struggle with keeping up with that housework, seep into every aspect of our life at home. I struggle so much on a physical level with routines that i feel disabled. I have succeded in some areas though. I am as loving a wife and mother as I wanted to be. I play with my kids almost as much as I had envisioned. I am still trying to succeed and working to change habits and figure out how to keep my house perfect like the other moms so I guess if I'm not at the finish line yet, I can't exactly say I'm a failure yet, but I'm definitely in last place.